


Saying Goodbye Is Difficult

by DigitalAlice



Category: South Park
Genre: Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 18:58:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12870948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalAlice/pseuds/DigitalAlice
Summary: Fake relationships and real break-ups. Craig doesn't know how he feels anymore.





	Saying Goodbye Is Difficult

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies in advance. I started writing this with the intent that it would be short and fairly fluffy, but this past weekend I split up with my partner and the result made this fic a lot more depressing - I promise I didn't intend for them to suffer this much emotional turmoil! It's probably badly written and soppy as a result of my own mental state, but I hope it's at least a little enjoyable.

_It will just make everything easier._

That’s what Craig had thought the day he approached Tweek and offered out his hand. That’s why they got back together. The town would shut up, his parents would shut up, and Tweek would stop making weird confessions to him in his back yard.

It was just to make things easier.

And now they were at that inevitable, expected point, and it had only taken four months. Craig was… what? Disappointed? No, surprised. Surprised it had only taken a few months for everyone to move on and stop noticing them. They wouldn’t even need a public break up. They could just go back to hanging out normally, without saying a word to anyone, and nobody would even realise.

So why was it so hard to bring it up when he saw Tweek each day?

But today was the day, Craig decided. This had gone on long enough. Neither of them needed to put up with it anymore. He could go back to being by himself again, and Tweek could have the freedom to go find a real relationship.

Craig didn’t want to think about why that made his heart twinge.

After the school bell rang for the end of the day, Craig took Tweek’s hand like normal and began the walk home. The streets were quiet enough. There didn’t need to be a huge display over it.

‘Hey, Tweek.’

Craig tugged on Tweek’s hand to halt him, and the blonde looked around at him inquisitively.

‘Are you okay?’ Tweek tilted his head at him.

Shit, why did he always show concern for Craig like that?

‘I’m…fine.’

Tweek smiled at him, pulling on his hand like an excited puppy.

‘Good. You wanna get a milkshake before you go home? I have time!’

Craig stayed rooted to the spot. This wasn’t real, he reminded himself. It was a show, and the curtains closed a while ago.

‘Tweek, nobody notices us anymore. You know that, right?’

Tweek looked around at no one.

‘So?’

Craig freed his hand from Tweek’s grip, and the blonde seemed startled by the loss of contact, looking down at the gap between them with wide eyes.

‘So, we don’t have to pretend anymore,’ Craig said. ‘We can just be normal friends again.’

Tweek stared at him.

‘Oh, yeah.’

‘We wouldn’t even need to stage a break up, I think,’ Craig continued, rubbing the back of his head.

‘Right.’

Tweek was looking around at the buildings, down at his shoes, anywhere but at Craig.

‘Tweek…’

‘It makes sense,’ Tweek interrupted. ‘Like you said, nobody notices anymore, so there’s no need.’

Fuck. Why was that look in Tweek’s eyes so painful?

‘It’s not like we’re saying goodbye, Tweek.’

‘That’s good,’ Tweek said with a weak laugh. ‘Goodbyes are hard. I don’t like them.’

They stood there awkwardly, Tweek folding his arms to hug himself. He was chewing his bottom lip, still refusing to look Craig in the eye.

‘Cool.’ Craig stared hard at Tweek. Why was this a million times worse than he imagined?

‘So, we’re friends again then?’ Tweek asked.

‘Tweek, we were always friends, remember? This was just a show. We’re not really breaking up, because we weren’t really in a relationship.’

Ow.

Something hurt inside when he said that.

‘Right.’ Tweek nodded. ‘See you at school on Monday, then.’

‘Wait,’ Craig said, not quite sure why he wasn’t ready to let Tweek leave yet. ‘We could still get the milkshakes, if you wanted? As friends?’

‘No thanks,’ Tweek said quickly, forcing a smile. ‘Have a good weekend.’

‘But…’ Tweek was already walking away, leaving the words to disappear into the air. ‘…you said you had time to…’

Craig made his way home, feeling numb.

Why did it feel like…?

He let himself into the house. With one look at his face his mother came up to him, cupping his face in her hands.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked softly, concern etched on her face.

Why did it seem like…?

‘Nothing,’ Craig muttered, rushing to head upstairs. He shut his door and ditched his backpack on the floor, then went and sat on his bed. Only later, when his mother tapped on the door and came to look at him with an excruciatingly gentle expression, did he realise his cheeks were wet with tears.

Why did it feel like a real break up?

He hugged his knees to his chest as he sobbed against his mother’s shoulder.

He barely got any sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the pain on Tweek’s face. Why did he look so hurt about it? Did they have different ideas about what was going on between them? Did Tweek think they’d really been dating? After all, they never really discussed the nature of what was going on, that day when he approached Tweek and offered him his hand to hold. They never said outright ‘ _Hey, this is a real thing’_ , or ‘ _Hey, this is just for show, okay?’_ What if Tweek did think that the relationship was real?

As the hours stretched on and the sun began to rise, his feelings circled round and round. But he couldn’t bring himself to explore the thought that was really scaring him. What if they _didn’t_ have different ideas about what was going on? What if the relationship wasn’t as fake as he’d led himself to believe? It sure felt like a real break up, that much was certain. When his mother had asked what happened, he couldn’t bring himself to say _we broke up_. That would make everything more real. Instead, he told her _we’re just friends now_. But that was enough. Enough for her to know what he meant, and enough to make the tears start again.

Fuck, what was wrong with him?

He wasn’t gay.

But what did being gay have to do with his feelings for Tweek?

He felt as little attraction to guys as he did to girls. He’d always bragged about wanting to get chicks, but the truth of the matter was, Craig had never really been interested in anyone but himself before Tweek. And now…

Craig spent Saturday locked up in his house. He didn’t want to face his friends, he didn’t want to play, and he didn’t want to talk. He wanted to stay inside where the only people around him knew that he was hurting. That night, his dad came and sat on his bed with a heavy sigh.

‘Let’s talk about it,’ he said like he really didn’t want to. Craig shook his head, staring down at the bed miserably.

‘Let’s talk about it,’ his dad said more firmly. He waited in silence for Craig to give in and open up.

‘I’m confused,’ Craig mumbled, refusing to look up.

‘Confused?’

‘Dad, I…’ Craig looked up, determined not to cry. ‘We weren’t in a real relationship. We faked it to make the town happy because everyone wanted us to be together. At least, I thought we were faking it… I don’t know why it hurts so much.’

His dad sat quietly like he was taking it in. Craig thought he might get yelled at for lying to so many people for so long.

‘So, I can think of two reasons why you’re upset right now, Craig. But I don’t know which it is.’

Craig looked at him, perplexed, so he continued.

‘Either Tweek thought your relationship meant something, and you didn’t. You were _faking it_ , as you put it. And now you’re sad because you manipulated his feelings, and wasted his time, and broke his heart.’

Craig’s own heart gave a pang of guilt and regret at the idea of hurting Tweek.

‘Or, the relationship meant something to both of you, and you’re upset because you just broke up with your boyfriend – your real boyfriend – probably only because you’re scared of what it will mean if you really fall for another boy. So, which is it?’

‘Is there no option where Tweek doesn’t think the relationship is real?’ Craig sulked.

‘No.’

Craig looked up at his dad, who was watching him carefully.

‘Craig, that boy thinks the world of you. And that ain’t for show. You’d have to be blind not to see that.’

‘What do I do?’ Craig asked unsteadily. ‘What am I meant to do?’

His dad shrugged.

‘Be happy.’

‘That’s it?’

‘That’s it,’ his dad confirmed. ‘Figure out why you’re hurting. If it’s because you led Tweek on, then apologise, own up to it like a man, and move on. If you’re upset because you miss your boyfriend, then…’

His dad stood up and walked to the door.

‘Then do what makes you happy,’ he finished finally, looking back at him. ‘You already know this town accepts you and him. His family are okay with it, and I may not have been before, but I am now. The only person judging you right now is you, Craig. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything else.’

He left Craig alone in his room.

_That boy thinks the world of you. You’d have to be blind not to see that._

Craig groaned, turning to bury his face in his pillow and biting back the urge to cry again. He was going through all the feelings and symptoms of someone suffering from a real break up. He wondered what Tweek was doing right now. Maybe he’d imagined Tweek’s disappointment the day before. Maybe Tweek was at home right now, playing a video game before bed, or playing with his Lego blocks, feeling just fine and not thinking about Craig at all. For some reason, that idea made Craig feel even worse.

Tweek was never again going to appear in his room late at night, half-way through a panic attack. Tweek had trusted Craig enough to be the one he came to when he needed someone in the early hours of the morning. Not anymore. Craig was never going to call him _babe_ or _honey_ or _sweetie_ again. All those things hadn’t been for show – half the time they’d been alone. The day before he’d snatched his hand out of Tweek’s grasp without any thought to the fact it was the last time he’d get to hold Tweek’s hand.

Craig had a horrible feeling he knew why this felt so much like a real break up.

On Sunday morning, there was a knock on the door. When his mother called up for him, his heart raced. Maybe it was Tweek? He ran downstairs, aware he probably looked like a dishevelled emotional wreck.

Instead, it was Stan that greeted him at the door.

‘Oh. Hi Stan.’

‘Hi dude.’

Stan seemed quiet and cautious.

‘What is it?’

‘I just wanted to see if you were doing okay,’ he said.

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

Stan gave a sympathetic smile.

‘You broke up with Tweek, right?’

Craig didn’t say anything. He couldn’t say anything. It seemed like everyone was completely fooled by their relationship. Everyone thought they were really an item, really breaking up. Or maybe Craig was the only person without a clue.

‘How do you know that?’ Craig’s voice was hoarse.

‘Kyle and I went to invite Tweek to play,’ Stan said.

‘And he told you?’

‘Not really, he didn’t mention anything. But it was kind of clear.’

‘Clear?’ Craig pressed, folding his arms. ‘How so?’

‘Well…’ Stan hesitated. ‘He just seems like he’s in typical break up mode. He was in his PJs, he had barely slept, he wouldn’t leave the house. His parents got him a bunch of junk food and he’s just sitting there eating chocolate and ice cream, and it looked like he’d been crying a lot…’

Ouch.

Craig thought he heard the snapping sound of his own heart breaking.

Tweek was crying because of him.

_Is it because you manipulated his feelings, and wasted his time, and broke his heart?_

Craig swallowed a lump in his throat.

_Or is it because you just broke up with your boyfriend – your real boyfriend?_

‘Oh.’

‘So I just wanted to see how you were doing, man.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Can I ask what happened?’ Stan tilted his head in concern.

‘What do you mean?’

He felt like he was running on automatic. He couldn’t think. He had this horrific realisation that he’d just broken up with his boyfriend for no reason, other than he was too stupid to _see_ that Tweek was his boyfriend. It wasn’t that he was just feeling these things. It was like he had always felt this way, and had just overlooked it until this point. He had completely ignored the fact that Tweek had been the most important person in his life for a while now. He’d flat out refused to acknowledge that Tweek was one of the only people in the world he actually enjoyed being around.

‘Why did you break up? You guys were so happy together.’

‘We were?’

Tweek made him happy. Craig thought it over and over, letting the truth sink in. Tweek made him _happy_. He liked his company, even at 3am. He liked holding his hand. He liked having someone that came running to him before any other when he needed comfort. He liked the way Tweek looked at him. Those times they hung out and got milkshakes and went to the movies… they were dates. How was Craig so fucking stupid? He’d been deaf to the sound of his own heart, which had been beating – this whole time - for the blonde boy he pushed away. He couldn’t ignore it anymore.

‘We were,’ Craig repeated, sure of it. They were happy. _Shit._

Craig turned and pulled on his shoes, then dashed past Stan into the street.

‘Thank you!’ he called back over his shoulder, then took off at a run towards Tweek’s place. He listened to the heavy thudding of his feet on the pavement. So dumb, so dumb, so dumb, he chanted internally to the rhythm of his running. He reached Tweek’s house and banged on the door, panting from the exertion of sprinting.

Mrs Tweak opened the door and Craig looked up at her desperately, hoping Tweek’s parents didn’t hate him already.

‘Please let me see him!’ Craig requested. ‘Please.’

Tweek’s mother looked to Craig like she was considering shutting the door in his face. But she moved back, letting him step inside.

‘He’s in the living room,’ Mrs Tweak said, heading towards the stairs. ‘I’ll give you some privacy.’

Craig walked through and saw Tweek sitting cross-legged on the couch, cocooned in a blanket. He had it pulled over his head like a hood, and he was reading a book with one hand and holding a bar of chocolate with the other. There was a box of tissues next to him and some scrunched up ones on the floor that were already damp from tears.

Tweek sniffled quietly as he read, oblivious to Craig’s presence. Craig had no idea what he wanted to say, or how this was supposed to go. But he had to be honest. He didn’t want to lie to the town, or to his family. He didn’t want to lie to Tweek, or himself.

He rushed forward to kneel on the couch and threw his arms around Tweek.

The blonde gave a startled squeak, dropping his book and candy bar. He looked up at Craig with tear-stained cheeks and watery eyes.

‘Craig?’

To think he had been sitting here like this, just as much of a wreck as he had been, and had even tried to convince Stan and Kyle that he was doing okay. As if Tweek had planned to let Craig end things and go back to being friends without so much as putting up a fight. Craig wouldn’t allow it.

‘I made a mistake,’ Craig said, his voice breaking as he choked back a sob. ‘I’m so sorry I didn’t realise what was happening.’

‘Wh-what was happening?’ Tweek asked, looking at him with wide eyes.

‘I don’t want to break up with you,’ Craig begged. ‘Please let me take it back.’

Tweek’s confusion turned to sadness.

‘We didn’t really break up, remember? Because we weren’t really together.’

‘Bullshit,’ Craig said, and Tweek lowered his eyes. ‘I let myself think it was all for show.’

‘It’s okay,’ Tweek whispered. ‘You don’t have to feel bad for not feeling the same-’

‘No, you don’t get it,’ Craig said. ‘I was wrong. If what we had wasn’t real then it wouldn’t hurt this much. My heart wouldn’t feel so awful.’

‘But you said we were always just friends,’ Tweek said with a tremor in his voice. ‘Nothing more.’

Craig took Tweek’s hands in his own, and Tweek subconsciously leaned towards him, cuddling close. _Stuff like that_ , Craig thought, _that’s the stuff that makes this real_. Small romantic gestures, just between them, that happened all the time before and he never even realised what it meant.

‘That’s because I didn’t realise,’ Craig said, ‘that you were my boyfriend. Like, really my boyfriend. And that doesn’t mean I haven’t felt anything and have been lying to you for months. It means…’

‘I know,’ Tweek said with a small smile. ‘I felt the same. Like you didn’t really know how you felt, but you were too scared to question it and find out.’

‘Y…Yeah.’

‘I think we just need to communicate better,’ Tweek suggested, wiping the tears from his cheeks with his sleeve. ‘So we’re on the same page.’

Craig nodded, guiding Tweek so his head was resting against his shoulder and snuggling close. Craig breathed in the soft scent of his hair and exhaled a shaky sigh.

‘I agree,’ Craig murmured. ‘So, the page I’m on right now is…’

It was time to be brave.

‘I really, really like you, Tweek. And I want to be your boyfriend. Properly, officially, all the time. And I want to go on dates, and hold hands, even when people can’t see us. I want… I want to kiss you.’

He felt Tweek tense up in his arms and cursed himself for being too honest.

‘Is… is that the page you’re on?’ he asked quietly.

Tweek looked up at him, his eyes shining. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Craig’s with a soft warmth that melted every part of him. The lingering kiss was enough to piece back together his snapped and shattered heart, because he knew with absolute certainty that he belonged to Tweek. _And he is mine,_ Craig thought, feeling overwhelmed.

Tweek blushed when they pulled apart.

‘Yeah,’ he said with a shy smile. ‘That’s the page I’m on, too.’

 


End file.
